October: Top Ten Tracks

Don't worry, my non-existent blog readers; I'm back!

I've decided to do a thing where each month I'm going to post my top ten favourite songs. I know it's not the most original idea but it forces me to post at least once a month, and since my not-so-eventful life leaves me with not much to say, this is what I've resorted to. Besides, I love music and always end up with a bunch of new artists on my favourites list.

So here we go:

1. Sail - AWOLNATION

2. Pretend - Tinashe

3. Kill Your Heroes - AWOLNATION

4. Thank You - MKTO

5. Say It, Just Say It - The Mowgli's

6. Your Body Is A Weapon - The Wombats

7. Shut Up and Dance - Walk The Moon

8. Let's Dance To Joy Division - The Wombats

9.  I Wanna Get Better - Bleachers

10. Not Nineteen Forever - The Courteeners

If you guys have time to check these songs out, it would definitely be time well spent. What were some of your favourite tracks in October? (If anyone is reading!) I'm genuinely interested :)

Future

It messes with my head when I think about life in general. I'm feeling in the mood for some deep talk so ignore me if I sound like I left my brain in the clouds.

Firstly, how did we even get here? I'm not meaning evolution and all that science stuff. I mean like how lucky are we that we're alive. If we were never born, we obviously wouldn't experience anything like we do today. How crazy is that? We didn't exist before we were born; we were destined to be created. And when we die, who knows where we end up. Another world? Or do we just die and that's it?

Whenever I think about my future after university which seems like worlds away right now, I often wonder what I'll be like. No one is the same person they were 5 years ago. As my old history teacher would say (By old I mean he doesn't teach me anymore, not that he's actually old) "Can you remember what you felt 5 years ago? No? That's because that person is dead. That person does not exist anymore". I can't imagine myself in my mum's position. Will I even be a mother? Who knows. What happens when I grow old and can't fully look after myself independently anymore? The future terrifies me.

What else baffles me is what will the world be like when I'm say 50. So in about 30 years time, will we still have mobile phones? Or will we be controlled by technology itself? Would people laugh at us and think "Wow, they actually had to carry their devices around with them!" as they talk to each other sat down in a chair with techy glasses on, which allows them to do everything with a touch of a button.

The future is a scary place and even thinking about it gets me creeped out.

(I'm too lazy to proof read this so ignore mistakes please)

Stressed

Aaaaa okay, I haven't updated in a while like usual. Oops.

To be honest nothing new has even happened. Apart from starting school again, personal statement stress, work load stress, university stress, stress stress and more stress.

Recently it's been a bit better because I feel like my personal statement is almost done even if I am 800 characters over the limit. In terms of stress of my work load, I'm just going to have to shut up and put up. These grades aren't just going to land in my lap with no effort being put in. It's just fun to whine though. Maybe it's a british thing.

I did go to a party on Saturday and it made me realise how much I love being single. I've actually reached a point where I'm happily single, probably because I'm taking advantage of it just to flirt with boys but whatever, it's great fun.

Oh, I almost forgot. I went for a Hollister interview in mid-September after getting a friend request from Hollister Meadowhall asking me to go for an interview. I did change the location because there was one closer to me but I won't be revealing the exact one for privacy reasons obviously, but yes, I got the job! I was surprised at first because I had accepted that I was boring in the interview but after 3 weeks of waiting, they rang.

I'm an Impacter that works at the back but I don't care really about not being a 'model', it's going to be a different, new experience. I decided to not blurt it out to everyone at school because i'm scared of them judging me and thinking "Oh. I see they just hire anyone these days..". They probably won't but if they ask i'll tell, but if not I won't say. To be fair, I think a lot of people know anyway.

After working on my personal statement all day, I'm worn out and want to sleep (even though i'll probably stay up and watch another episode of Suits) but yeah, night x

Dilemma

I've never been in a position where I've felt this way before. The confusing thoughts wondering around replaying the same question - Am I forcing myself to like this guy?

Okay, let me explain. So there's a boy.. I met him during summer on the most amazing week long course ever. At the time, he was literally just a friend. That's all he was. To be completely honest, I had my eye on another guy that was also on the course so I hadn't really noticed him a lot.

After the week had sadly come to an end and we all went home to finally add each other on social networks which we had been deprived of for the week (there was no signal). We started to talk on Facebook, and at first it was just friendly. And then it got a bit flirty.

Oh, I didn't mean like full on flirty sexting.. Please don't get me wrong! (I'm not that type of person - just so that we're all clear)

It was just flirty banter. And now I think he likes me. Actually, I don't think, it's obvious. Without trying to sound modest, all the signs are there. Continuous compliments, non-stop texting, lots of winks etc. You know the drill - you just know when you know.

But here's the dilemma. I'm not attracted to him.

Yet.

I don't know.

The problem is - Am I forcing myself to think I could have feelings for this guy when in reality I'm just being taken over by the thoughts of wanting a boyfriend?

It sounds dumb, but I've never had a boyfriend, and with all these chick-flicks around with the most perfect, romantic love stories, it's hard not to want one. My best friend's have been in and out of relationships and it makes me want to try one too. It's not a matter of Peer Pressure by the way, if you misunderstood. I want a boyfriend on my own accord; it doesn't affect me so much knowing my best friend's are/were in ones.

I'm just confused and don't really know what to do.

New start

With the 'back to school' hype just a few sleeps away, and a whole new school year full of homework, stress and drama, I thought why not make my blogs a regular thing and make a new start?

So, yes. Here I am once again relaunching my blog because I'm using it as a way of procrastinating from writing a few lines of my personal statement. 

I have no clue what I'll be writing about on here, it will most likely be a mix of events that happen to me at the times they occur. So let's say friend dramas, boy dramas, university application dramas, etc. 

So let's hope for all your sakes (if anyone is reading this) that something exciting happens soon otherwise this will be another fail of me trying to "blog".